Worst Day Ever Explained, Part I
Worst Day Ever, After
Worst Day Ever, Aftershocks

All righty then, caught up? Now for part two. At the end of my previous post I had gotten back to my vehicle, and handed Officer Dufus my ID. he takes a look at it, then opens his mouth and these words come out, “You are trespassing on federal property. You are charged with willfully disobeying a direct order from a federal police officer, blah blah blah.” The blah, blah, blah is where my brain refused to cooperate any further and was no longer able to process the sounds coming from his mouth into the English language. At some point Officer Dufus must have said something along the lines of, did you hear me? or something like that, I can’t be sure. I must have blathered somethign along the lines of, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never received such directions, I had no idea what the guy said, etc.” At some point my neurons began firing in the correct order that allowed me to once again become capable of coherent thought. I realized (somewhat belatedly) the complex set of directions that Officer Mumbles had given me were not directions to the building I was now in front of, but the directions to a vehicle checkpoint that I had not gone to, but was ordered to. The keen powers that are mine to command. So, never fearing that this was all a silly misunderstanding, I explained this all to Officer Dufus, whose only reply was, “Looks like your co-worker just got you in a lot of trouble.” What? Did he hear me? Hunh?

Then he put the icing on the cake, “You can follow me in your vehicle back to the visitor center or you can ride with me. If you ride with me though, you’ll be in handcuffs.” I had to pick myself up off the ground (figuratively), I mean who says, “Yes please!” Who? I declined his offer and followed him to the gate.

Now, listen. I am not a large woman. I think the appropriate term is “tiny”. I am small. If you have ever seen me, you know this is true. A few years ago, I posted this photo, see? That little person there? That’s me. All five feet, two inches.

I could not possibly have intimidated this man, so what was up with the handcuff thing? All right. So I get back to the visitor center and Officer Dufus goes behind the Plexiglas to talk to Officer Mumbles. Then Officer Dufus comes back out and starts saying more things to me. Sorry, my brain got all jangled up after the handcuff statement so I was once again incapable of processing human speech. Then he put the cherry on top. I did manage to catch, “Lucky for you no-one has to go to jail today,” then the reasoning dropped out AGAIN! Jail! Was he kidding, it was all a crazy misunderstanding. Listen, why would I purposely run the gate then go exactly where I said I was going? Hello, MacFly? Anyone home? Then he got all chatty and smarmy with me. “You have a good day now, Dr. Pavlina,” or some random shit like that.

I. Was. Pissed. The. Hell. Off.

You do NOT treat people like THIS. Ever. Officer Mumbles had a few more people to write out passes for and mumble to, so I waited. Getting more and more pissed by the microsecond. When Officer Mumbles had processed all the waiting people, he then says he needs my vehicle registration. So I had to go back out to my van and get it. Then I stand there while it takes him 15 minutes to write up the ticket. By this point there were like another 4 or 5 people in the center. He hands me back my vehicle registration and my driver’s license.

Then he says something like, “sign this.”
I then ask him what it is and he looks at me and says, “It’s a ticket.”
I said, “Yes I realize that, but what kind of ticket is it? What jurisdiction is it under?”
“You never got a ticket before,” he says.

Oh good grief.

“Not one like this,” I say. “Let’s pretend I don’t know anything. Explain it to me like I’m a three year old.”
He sighs then explains the ticket, though not very well. Yes, and all this happened in front of the waiting crowd. I’m sure they were powerful amused. In the end it was a battle of wills, who would give out first and it was me. I gave up, signed the ticket and stormed out. Looking at the ticket I saw the total was …..315 USD. Oh my stars.

The best part was, I never had to get my van inspected, and I was allowed to return to the building and “finish my work.”

Was that not the most incredible story you ever heard? Like I said, everything is true. The best part was, when I went back for my “court date” that wasn’t really a court date but more like a pre-trial hearing, the charges were completely dismissed. So I suppose there is still some justice in this world.

Post from: Pavlina: Life is Not For the Living

Worst Day Ever, Part II

So I’ll tell the story now. I won’t name any of the other players by their legal names. Know that everything I am about to write is the honest to goodness truth. This is not a work of fiction, though I wish it were. It may be a bit long. If it runs too long, I’ll cut into a part I and II.

February 23, 2009 ~10:00

I approached the gate area to the Edgewood area of Aberdeen Proving Ground. I had never been there before so I followed my co-worker to the visitor center. We had driven in separate vehicles, I had a large scientific instrument that we were going to demonstrate to the customer. The gate area was temporary as the entire base was, and is still, under construction. The visitor center was a small, temporary portable. I entered the small building, followed by my co-worker. There was a small space to my right and on the left was a Plexiglas window with gaps on the bottom for passing documents and small holes for the guards to talk through. I immediately saw a sign stating I would need my vehicle registration, so I turned around and went back to my vehicle to get it. When I returned to the small room, I saw my co-worker having a heated discussion with the guard/officer on duty. It appears my co-worker didn’t know the building number where we were going, only where we were going. We waited for a bit while my co-worker was able to call up the customer and get the right building number.

My co-worker talks to the officer/guard and receives his visitor pass, then it’s my turn. I hand over my Driver’s license and vehicle registration. When I am asked where I am going, I say “the same place he is,” and gesture to my co-worker. The officer/guard grunts (I swear) and begins filling out the visitor pass, then turns around to the photo copier. At this point he begins mumbling a set of complex directions to the copier (may be important, just saying). He turns to me, handing me the visitor pass and my Drivers license back. I look him in the eye and say, “excuse me?” (Something you should know about me. I have terrible hearing so I need to be able to look at people’s lips when they speak) My co-worker pipes up saying, “Don’t worry, I know where we are going.” So we leave the gate, get into out respective vehicles and go off to the building.

I get to the building, get the instrument out of my vehicle. Then go into the lab, and begin setting everything up. A few minutes pass. I am squatting on the floor (ripping my pant’s lining in the process, they are were my favorite pants but could not withstand the winter feeding, I fear). So I was already all upset, and at this point I didn’t know if it was my pant’s lining or if my pants had split. I didn’t want to take off my coat, as I thought I would be standing there in split pants. So anyway, there I am, squatting down with a split lining in my pants, fiddling with something. I hear a disembodied voice, “Is there a Pavlina here?” (Okay, the voice said my REAL name, but you all know me as Pavlina, right?) I turn around to see Officer Dufus (Not his real name) standing there, handcuffs at the ready, hand on service weapon. I think my chin hit the ground, my mouth was open so wide. My first thought was, “What the %#$%@?” I really, really, really considered making a break and running for about a millisecond. Then I closed my mouth, then re-opened and said, “That’s me.”

“You need to get all your belongings and come with me,” said Officer Dufus.
“what’s this all about?” asked my co-worker
“None of your concern, Sir,” continued Officer Dufus, then to me, “You need to come with me. You’ll be gone a LONG time.”

At this point I am CONVINCED they have got the wrong person. What on Earth could be going on? Why is this cop here getting me? What the Hell is going on?

So I said, “Ugh, all this stuff is mine,” and I gesture to the gurney with the instrument on it, my laptop bag, etc.

He turns to look at the pile o” stuff and says, “This is all yours?”

“Yes,” I say, wondering if they think I stole it or something.

“Well, all you really need is your ID.”

Ooookay. All I needed was my ID but then this idiot tells me to get all my stuff. Whatever. Problem was I left my purse in my vehicle. I always do, one less thing to carry. So I tell Officer Dufus my ID is in my vehicle and we both leave the building to get it. During all this, my co-worker kept asking the officer what was going on and the officer kept telling him it was none of his business. Since we have a bit of a walk to my vehicle, I asked him what the problem was and he totally ignored me. So I get to my vehicle, get my purse, hand him my ID.

And we’ll cut it there. I just saw how long this post is. Come back for part II.

Post from: Pavlina: Life is Not For the Living

Worst Day Ever…DISMISSED!

I have to go to Federal Court. The charge has the words “willfully” and “disobey”. I dont want to say any more. Yikes.

I did not willfully disobey a direct order. So don’t jump to that conclusion. What happened to me is that I was completely taken advantage of, either due to my gender, race or big brain. I was treated terribly. I was intimidated and bullied. I was treated poorly.

My senator will hear of this, no fear.

Hopefully once the situation has been resolved, I can fill you in on the details.

Just keep me in your thoughts and prayers, I need them both. Sigh.

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.

Post from: Pavlina: Life is Not For the Living

Worst. Day. Ever. The next day.

To make matters worse, I split the frakkin’ lining of my favorite pants today! Is my ass getting that big?

Post from: Pavlina: Life is Not For the Living

Worst. Day. Ever.