Pavlina: Life is Not For the Living

I am not sure. Some days I get home and I just can’t even think about cooking, etc. The very thought of walking over to the fridge, pulling our raw meat, veggies, etc, then walking over to the cabinet and pulling out rice/noodles/couscous, spices and seasoning then cutting, assembling and cooking, well. It is enough to send me to the loony bin. Really. Especially since there is something to be said for the fact that at least one of the people living in the house will not like what I have cooked. These are the days when we call Papa Johns’s (if there is enough time) or we have leftovers(if there are any) or we scavenge(the last choice). Scavenging usually ends up in the kids having cut up raw veggies, cheese and bread. Heck, they probably prefer that anyway. We end up eating cheese sandwiches or whatever and A (our nanny) eats whatever or she will go out(if she has the energy). I hate those nights. I really do, because I really enjoy cooking and if I don’t feel like it, then there is something else going on with me.

Take tonight for instance. I had a tough day of it. Dealing with my back-stabbing when my back is turned, nice as my best friend when face to face co-worker. My day was crap, and then I finally got off my tuft and sent him an email, directly confronting him instead of doing my usual passive aggressive move, he calls me on my way home. I just ignored the call, I’ll listen to his voice mail in the morning because, really, I could not even deal by then. Then I get home after fighting traffic and Jason is all peeved that I didn’t call. Needless to say, I did not cook this evening. I had a nice meal in mind, but I got home too late and was too whatever feeling to care. The kids had some warmed leftovers which they picked at, then ended up eating ice cream and cheese sandwiches for dinner. We are such good parents.

I am also all stressed out this week because I am having my first ever yard sale this weekend. Ugh. Just going through all the stuff is exhausting, and I still have to get it all set up on Friday(in the garage). I really am a novice at it all, I don’t go to yard sales or anything. I don’t have the patience to go digging through all that.

So what gets me through it all? Is it the sweet hugs I get when I walk in the door, after shouts of, “mommy, mommy’s home!” from the children? Is it my husbands smiling face? Is it the thought of only being hours away from my lovely bed? I am not sure. Really, I am not. Sometimes I get home and the kids are screaming and Jason is still at work, I am hours away from my lovely bed and those children are determined that I won’t get there easily. There has to be something for me. Sometimes it is the promise of watching some crappy show on TV, or an hour to myself so I can play my DS. Sometimes it is the book I am reading. You gotta have something to get you through it, when things aren’t going your way.

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